I am a writer. Not by choice, but by compulsion. I write my thoughts out, like this, to no one in particular. The majority of my life is on paper; every day, every year for[…]

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You have no idea how hard it is for me to write this, to put this out there; but I have to. I just have to get it out- the story of you & I-[…]

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DECEPTION: you’ve got it down to perfection so good; a side profession living lies without confession giving me a false perception misleading me with misconceptions. i had faith in opaque obsessions; i couldn’t see through[…]

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Isaiah 14:12: “How are you fallen from heaven, O Lucifer, Son of the Morning…” “In Christianity, Lucifer refers to devil or “Satan.” Lucifer was cast into hell because he acted against God’s wishes and rebelled[…]

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I’ve searched to find the truth in Her, I’ve yearned to get a boost from Her. I thought that I could lose in Her all that was empty inside of me. I thought that if[…]

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He took me to the top of the world, to the very edge of the earth. He reached out his hand and said, “Trust me”, as I was approaching the last few feet of elevation.[…]

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there’s a lot of hype, but no substance like the type of love with no trust, it’s the kind of lust with no true touch. it’s obsessing over sex but when it’s over you don’t[…]

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He took it away from me- Not “taken” like how teenage girls Talk about their first time At sleepovers, over popcorn; That kind of taking requires giving. He took it like a thief; He stole[…]

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A man stopped me while I was running in the park one day and he knew my life struggles just by my stride. He took my two hands in his and told me: “You are way too[…]

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April 25, 2008. 335 days in. “…raspberry mojito & margarita on the rocks. Typical. Good time, good convo, as usual. Then it got deep- oh wait before that- as he rolled a blunt in the[…]

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location unidentified. my imagination goes so far, but not there; not where i see this situation occurring …a blur. you are with your children. i am wearing glasses. we look older than i ever thought[…]

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Let me start off by stating that I don’t condone doing drugs. With that being said, drugs are and most importantly have always been a staple part of society. I’m talking as far back as[…]

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Love takes you to some crazy places. And wherever I went, I took my attachment for you with me. Your love, the one you spoke of, well that I couldn’t carry along with me no matter[…]

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“Looking for parking fucking sucks.” A string of back lights with barely any space in between one car from another, that is all that I am getting from these Astoria streets on a Saturday night.[…]

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He drew my ear closer to his mouth, with his arm around my back, to speak above the music: “I don’t want you to think it’s you; it was never you. It was never you[…]

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Your thick tongue rubs against mine. Our heads turn violently from side, to side. The taste of your saliva is my favorite aphrodisiac, along with the smell of your sweat on your skin. And I’m[…]

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my fingers press, slowly as i start. i have an idea of what to think of; my “theme” for the night that will get me to finish. as i get more into it- the thought-[…]

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    In Verona, Italy, there exists an alleyway that leads to what is called “la Casa de Giulietta”, the alleged inspiration of Shakespeare’s Juliet, balcony and all. Throughout the years, tourists have come to this[…]

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    In 1969, one of the most famous American murders took place at 10099 Cielo Drive, constructed by the infamous Charles Manson. Although all the deaths were horrific, the one that struck me the most[…]

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How pathetic it feels to write a pity note for myself… or maybe this is for you. All I know is that the pain that you’ve caused me was enough to make me only want to[…]

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time passes inside these hourglasses the sand dripping, the hands ticking time slipping from our hands; gripping onto an intangible concept- one that i just can’t get. i reflect on my past life that’s on[…]

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everyone that i have met since you have left seems to be a connection; …the six degrees of my obsession. your voice, your expressions- they stick out like an implanted impression embedded into my head[…]

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     There is something so beautiful about train rides- if you ever just look around, there is such a variety of people. No one ever looks “normal”, & I don’t mean that in an ignorant[…]

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Watching the clock, waiting for it. But when you’re waiting for something that’s not meant to nor intended to arrive, you’re fighting a futile battle with time. You pray for the gods to instill their[…]

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i can’t get my mind over it and i can’t get my mind around it to understand it- the timeless question of where time takes us. with the right song on and with the right[…]

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i am fixated. i am perpetually concentrated on time. on memories, on the past, on the future; i am forever remembering. like tonight, 3 a.m. on the way home still feeling my buzz “everyone falls[…]

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serpent, you crawl so preciously around my ankle, so professionally. i feel you sliver, so creepily continuing to wrap around, so sneakily. bite me once, i may complain break my flesh, i feel the pain[…]

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i’m… finding company in Socrates’ prophecies when he speaks to me indirectly telling me that a wise man understands that he knows nothing.so be it- here i am standing tall amongst the wisest men because[…]

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I’ll never know why he came to Miami that weekend. I never asked, even though I wanted to, even though I wondered so many times if was for me or not, because I knew it[…]

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5:21 am. I just woke up with an ache on my right shoulder blade, where the gun was pressed so firmly against. _____________________________________________________________________________________________ We were walking the streets of Italy- Italy of all places- together.[…]

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THE DEVIL TRIED TO GET TO MY CORE RECENTLY. HE TRIED TO CONTACT ME, HE TRIED TO SPEAK TO ME. HE TRIED TO WEAKEN ME. HE TRIED TO TOUCH MY SKIN BUT I DIDN’T LET[…]

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Subject:(no subject) Date:12/8/2005 12:24am Pacific Standard Time From: LiL tEaZ 2000 it doesn’t even matter anymore what our reactions towards each other are until i stop having the uncontrollable, irrational impulse to contact you for[…]

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you know, you broke my heart again tonight. it wasn’t the kind of broken heart when you walked away from me with a wink telling me it was over, and we were over, forever. you[…]

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I haven’t been able to sleep. Or rather, I’ll fall asleep, and wake up five or six times throughout the night. Lately I’ve been waking myself up from having to itch a mosquito bite, one of the very[…]

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On a rock, in my favorite park- a park where my first love told me for the first time “I love you”- is written in what looks like a white-out pen “One Life, One Purpose.”[…]

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I walked that day, for what could have been five hours straight. Aimlessly; aimed at an undefined destination. I walked tall- as tall as a 4 foot 11 teenager could look – no — feel,[…]

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There’s a crack in this pavement and I can no longer take it I’ve tried to fake it and erase it from my consciousness but I always find myself right back on top of it.[…]

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Have you ever found solace in the thought of dying? Not in a suicidal way, it’s just…. Sometimes when I’m feeling really sad & lonely and misunderstood I wonder, if right now, at this age &[…]

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there’s a deep-seeded hole where my soul should be whole there’s a deep-seeded fear where my confidence should appear & where my conscious should be clear the doubt takes over. there’s a bunch of confusion[…]

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  She would lie awake some nights, putting her self to sleep by putting on plays constructed by her imagination. In her twin-sized bed, hot pink sheets, lights off and door closed, she would pretend[…]

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She steps out of the shower with drops of water from her hair colliding with blood dripping down her ankle- how she hates shaving. She opens the blinds in her room to let in some[…]

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On a shelf inside of her room is a bottle of Dolce and Gabanna perfume, unopened, in wait for the perfect occasion with the perfect person to use it for. She has yet to find[…]

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building new memories, after years of separation now things are different and they are distorted and unclear to me why we even restarted and we can’t discuss it because you’ll get frustrated & i can’t[…]

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the smell of a september morning; olfactory the salty taste of lust off of someone else’s body; gustation the way that you say my name when we’re in it; auditory seeing a soul with eyes[…]

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i feel it all around me; it surrounds me. the ground below me & the clear atmosphere- it’s all encompassing. swarming, warming, enwrapping, and entrapping me with earthly beauty. i feel it penetrate through my[…]

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red lights streaming in the streets my voice screaming inside my head; so discreet. my heart’s going so quickly- can you feel its beats? how’s my scent smell on your sheets? 2,106 total views, 1 views today

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“Don’t worry, it’ll all make sense to you one day. One day. But not today.” And that’s when I woke up. ________________________________________________________ I have always had intense dreams in my sleeping state. So intense, and[…]

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I am witnessing a Generation- a World- where I can access anything from anywhere and share it with anyone, and yet I’ve never felt more removed from humanity. But it’s not because we are growing[…]

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it was the last night i’d ever look at you looking at me that way. you were so ready to be done with me but you came for just one last glance to remember, through[…]

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Lately, the motif of dealing with growing up and losing innocence has been all I can write about; all I can think about. _____________________________________________________________________________________________ On the ride home from dinner CC inquires form the backseat, “You[…]

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It’s summer, Early Summer. Stopped at a four-way intersection, I look over to my right. Fuck. What am I supposed to do with all this shit? The passenger side represents my life: an unorganized collaboration[…]

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Sunny day, in the summer. Early summer. All that surrounds us rich, green grass. We are in neon-colored one-piece bathing suits and our long, brown hair is wet and matted to our backs. Our run[…]

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You complicate me The way you make me Question my decisions Every minute, living in this conflict; this predicament. You draw me in With debatable bait So indecisive if you want me to bite it-[…]

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It’s these contradictions that I’m constantly in; these self inflicted predicaments. It’s these sins that I give in to, when I give in to you. I have all these feelings that I’m yielding but not[…]

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I wonder… what he looks like. His style, how his voice sounds, the shape of his teeth, his eyebrows, and fingers. What our apartment will look like when we decorate it together. How our fights[…]

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Opaque light filling Up every crevice Of the atmosphere That I live under.    Too cold for my skin’s Receptors to handle and Too wet for my feet to step out in To take the[…]

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He told me, “Life is funny like that.” ______________________________________________________________________ I had this brief brush with a thought today: What if this is our purgatory, now, in this state of what we call “living?” I thought[…]

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getting high, digging inside, to full a void. turning to outlets that only destroy god given gifts that i keep wasting because in my mind nothing fits inside there’s a heart that’s pacing, beating, it’s[…]

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I do this thing; It’s my own personal fling. So promiscuous, so intimate. They get a taste of my delicious intent; I’m so into it.   With a look in my eyes as I walk[…]

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on going and going- three years- in my life, then out, then in and out, again. part of me, one with me and then separated.   not for long, though not until you call me[…]

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i wait again with the same intention. i hope again. in and out i exhale leaving and breathing out an invisible trail of anxiety.   every inch inside of me- every minuscule, minute molecule- is[…]

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I contradict and I persist. I fail and I prevail. More wise than you can imagine, More bright than you can fathom. Yet more foolish than I thought possible, More naive than I thought probable.[…]

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let me be your target. my smile marks it- the space where my lips part, it’s the most obvious indication- there, in that separation, of the bottom and top- it’s the beaming of my heart.[…]

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As darkness falls outside, around me, inevitably, a lamp glows inside, to provide an artificial light- a false, cheap extension of an eternal day.   As I lay, positioned, I notice the subtle changes from[…]

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