goes so far, but not there;
i see this situation
you are with your children.
i am wearing glasses.
we look older than i ever thought
i notice you first, maybe i’m carrying groceries.
i know it is you right away,
but i don’t say anything.
i feel ugly, i feel unprepared.
you look good, even at thirty five.
my heart is pumping
faster each second that’s passing.
how can this be, all of these years went by
and here you are, taking your children
being a good father
making up for the mistakes
of your own.
i have waited and anticipated this moment
inside of my mind, many years ago
when i believed that there was still a possibility
that we would meet up in our thirties-
and start back where we left off
in our teens.
and now, the created scene is my reality,
in front of me.
i’m watching you-
the you at thirty five –
and i’m letting the chance
pass me by.
maybe if i looked good, had my hair done
down, like you always liked it
i would approach you confidently.
but i cannot
think of anything to say
the you at thirty five.
so i let you go, live your life
a life i will never know
but will forever imagine
and i will hope
that somewhere, in between your busy schedule,
taking care of your business,
and your gorgeous wife,
and your children,
and your dog,
i will hope
that perhaps on a lonely night coming home late from work,
lying on your couch,
with a drink,
that you wonder
where and how i am-
what i look like, if i have a family;
i hope that my smile and my laugh
ring a bell in your memory
if you come across something that reminds you of me.
i hope that you know that while you are aging
in your thirties, and forties, and fifties
i will love you
and i will miss you
just as i had
while you were growing
in your teens.
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