addictive expectations.

getting high,
digging inside,
to full a void.
turning to outlets that only destroy
god given gifts
that i keep wasting
because in my mind nothing fits
inside there’s a heart that’s pacing,
it’s keeping
me alive
and all i do is deny
it of oxygen
when i put these toxins in
my choice of drug?
or the lack there of.

i have all these empty spaces
squeezing myself into places
that i don’t belong and i know i’m wrong
but i don’t feel strong
to just say no.

it doesn’t take a genius to make these predictions
you swallow it, snort it, suck it, inhale it
you feel hallow with it, short with it, stuck to it, you exhale it
i need it, i fiend it, i bleed it
out through my veins
and even though i complain about the pain
i shove it inside of me again
i need it.

i made them
i created them
i waited for them
to unravel and unroll
but i lost self control
by placing expectations
on people
who can’t, won’t, don’t want to keep them
so they are shatterted and broken and ripped and destroyed
and i am as well;
still in a void.

your motives left unmentioned
carefully constructed and invented
while you wrap me up into your body and tell me you love me
inside you’re plotting; inside you’re only trying to fuck me.
and while you tell me all the things i want to hear
inside your conscience is perfectly clear
when you’re doing it to someone else when i’m not there.
and all these things, all these twisted methods of manipulation
all these forms of lust, desire and infatuation
all these hazardous, dangerous, creations of human yearning
they all have the same effect on me:
internal burning
of a heart so in need
to fill a deficiency
and you, the biggest hypocrite of them all
tell me “people mistake your kindness for weakness”
thanks for the warning, next time spare me of your fucking speeches.

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