A man stopped me while I was running in the park one day
and he knew my life struggles just by my stride.
He took my two hands in his and told me:
“You are way too valuable to sell yourself short for a guy.”
By the slight of my sad smile, he knew what my weakness was
and with his eyes in mine he said:
“A Man will fake love for sex, & a woman will fake sex for love.”
I said “I can get vicious.”
He said “Well I can get ferocious.”
In my head I thought “I want to be malicious.”
In his head he said “I’m going to make the most of this.”
I sipped on a martini, clear in its wide-brimmed
and with a wide-grinned
I thought to myself “How am I going to get my way with him?”
He smoked on a blunt, thick and smelling
of a sweet kind of weed.
High, he felt a compelling
and thought to himself in a euphoric blur
“How am I going to have my way with her?
He told me “You’ve got a magic.”
I told him “You’ve got me like an addict.”
He had sex like it was an active habit;
my sex was acted, he was my practice.
He asked me if I was borderline
I asked “Would you still want me if that’s how my mind was defined?”
I asked if he was a pathological liar.
He replied “Would you still love a lying conniver?”
It was two twisted individuals
Who persisted with their unconventional and original
sick mix of a sick fix with
methods to obtain love.
For him it was the Mercedes, the Rolex,
the dinners and the attentive sex.
For her it was naivety, openness, innocence-
one was shallow, one was deep,
but both were facades; they were both cheats.
Attracted to the “wrong type”;
Attracted to drama, attracted to hype.
Money will not bring happiness
but it will impress the less
Sex will not bring with it commitment
but it will bring a temporary fulfillment.
I am a victim of weakness,
looking for a catastrophe to sleep with.
I am a predator, looking for a prey to play
with, to have my way with.
I want to control your soul
take hold and mold
you into mine.
I have a fascination with self-mutilation;
dancing with danger,
I will give my heart to a stranger
to toy with, just to see how quickly he destroys it.
It’s a self sabotage
where the wrong turns me on;
it’s a self sacrifice
where I am willing to pay the price
of being the user, giving myself up to be used;
Where I lose myself, just to lose.
But I want to taste the fire on my tongue;
I want to feel the disappointment burn my lungs.
I want to caress his lies;
Obsess and over analyze.
Run nails deep through my conscience, rip at my confidence.
Pull on my morals, rip off my pride.
Penetrate my mind-
It’s all in good fun my pretty; it was good for the time.
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